just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
