The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
