We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
