I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
