When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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