dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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