You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
