look no pants
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
