If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
