Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
