Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
