The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
