I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize