You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
