dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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