When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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