Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
