I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
