Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
