Soap is not a condiment
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
