so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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