I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
