I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
