everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Randomize
