Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
