Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
