Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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