Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
