I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
