If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
