ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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