so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
