break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
