i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
