There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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