he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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