I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
