yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
