Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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