I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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