and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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