just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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