so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
40s are totally the cure
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
