I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
