Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
