I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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