doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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