Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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