i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
