Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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