The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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