Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
