You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
