Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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