I think im going to throw up on grandma
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
