woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
