Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
