she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
