I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
soo... how was my night?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
