First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
