it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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