I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize