Well douche your snatch and let's go!
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
