She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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