I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
