we have officially mastered the walk of shame
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
