as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
