Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
