Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
