I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Mom said you looked used
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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