Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
