im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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