I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
